Denmark x Reader: Please Remember Who I Used To Be

I'm lost, so lost...will I be able to see the sky again?
Oh please, one more day

Everyday was painful. You walked around with fake smiles and forced laughs. Couldn't there be one more day like there used to be? Spend the day with the crazy Danish man you fell in love with. The one who pulled you out of the hole of darkness. The one who gave you everything. The one who broke your heart.

After you walked in on your boyfriend sleeping with another girl. Your best friend to be exact. You were mortified. You ran out of the house after leaving a sloppy note stating that you two were through, while tears ran down your face. You went back to your parents house and your dad threatened to take a knife and shove it up your now ex boyfriend's ass.

Ever since the day you showed up at your parent's doorstep in tears you fell back into the pit of darkness. You locked yourself in your room and refused to leave, eat, and drink. You have been this way for abut a month and everyone was worried.

Wishing, praying...wont someone allow this shadow of a girl
To see one more day

While you were sitting in your room, covers pulled over your head, you heard screaming from downstairs. "What the hell are you doing here!?"

You couldn't here the response of the person who was at the door, but by the sounds of it, it wasn't anyone your dad wanted to see. "I refuse to let you see my daughter! You want to know what she has been doing for the last month? She has been locked in her room and she refuses to leave for anything! She hasn't eaten in 2 weeks!" This got your attention. You slowly stood up and walked over to the door, just opening it slightly.

"Please! I need to talk to her. Please let me see her!" This voice sounded awfully familiar. You opened the door a little more and saw the person you never wanted to see again. Mathias was standing at your homes doorway. A sudden rage filled your body and you made your way to the living room.

Remember, remember, please remember who I used to be
Who am I, who am I, I'm a puppet in their game

"Mathias. What the hell are you doing here?" You seethed out. Everyone looked at you and what they saw broke all their hearts, Mathias's especially. Your [h/l] [h/c] hair was disheveled, your once bright [e/c] eyes were dull and lifeless, your skin has become very pale, and you were all skin and bone.

"_____, w-what have you done to yourself?" The Dane asked while tears formed at the corner of his eyes.

"What have I done to myself? Reality check! Mathias, you did this to me! I saw you sleeping with that girl and it disgusted me! It made me sick to my stomach!  It also made my heart break into one million pieces." You snapped.

"____, please listen! I hate myself so much and it tears me apart when I know that you did this! I hate myself for making you feel like you do! I was drunk and that girl... S-she tricked me! Please, ______, forgive me?" He pleaded.

"Just leave. Get out and never come back. I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU!" You screamed. He looked at you as tears pored from both of your eyes.

"I-if that's what you w-want, I-I guess I'll be g-going n-now." He mumbled sadly before turning around and walking away.

Dreaming of a life I never had

After that you started to slowly started to leave your room. It took several months for your parents to get you standing on the porch. You started to fake smiles again. You started to hang out with old friends and still continued to be someone you weren't.

You seemed to have a perfect life, dreaming of having a perfect life, while in reality you were just a broken girl. Your heart was held together poorly by bandages.

Remember, remember, please remember who I used to be
Who am I, who am I, my reality has slipped away

Mathias had showed up quiet a few times, pleading for your forgiveness. Each time you refused. One day though you broke and fell into his trap but not completely. You told him all you guys could be was friends, nothing more, nothing less. He gave you a sad smile but agreed.

You two hung out occasionally, each time you falling for his beautiful blue eyes, his blonde hair that seemed to defy gravity, and his cheery personality. 'No ______! He hurt you! You can only be friends.'

You and him eventually started to see other people as the Dane finally gave up on getting you back. He would still always love you the most. He was dating a nice Norwegian girl named Lovise.

You were also now dating. You were dating a British guy that went by the name Arthur. He treated you right. You loved him and he loved you. The bad thing was you loved Mathias. You just wanted to be held close by him, but you couldn't let that happen. Not after what he did to you.

Xion, Xion...isn't this the name they gave to me?
(Remember, remember, please remember who I used to be)
Promise...my friends...I'm still here
(Who am I, who am I, my identity is lost)

It has been a few months and you felt so empty inside. You just wanted to go back to who you used to be. Who did you used to be? A happy, cheerful girl with the perfect life, perfect family, perfect friends, and the perfect boyfriend who put his all into your relationship.

Couldn't someone bring you back to your old self? Did anyone even remember your old self? You broke up with Arthur. It was too painful and wrong to act like you love someone when you don't. You thought you loved him but then you saw Mathias and Lovise together on a date. They both looked so happy. They looked like you and Mathias used to be.

You were back into the dark hole, but this time you were so much deeper. You lost it and decided you were finally going through with your plans. You searched for the pack of sleeping pills in your room. You found them as you sobbed. Your shaky hand got a piece of paper and a pen. You wrote down all the feelings you felt.

          Dear mom and dad,
I'm sorry for being such a burned and I'm sorry for the pain I'm about to put you through. I'm sorry, so, so, sorry. This pain, this emptiness, this sorrow. It has become to much to handle. I love you guys so much but the girl that you used to know was gone long ago.
          Dear Arthur,
Thanks for loving me and giving me hope in love again. I know I broke off our relationship but you gave me hope in life. It was hard though, seeing the one you truly love with some other girl. I loved you just not as much as I loved him. I'm sorry that I wasn't a good lover and I'm sorry about the pain I might put you through.
          Dear [Best Friends Name],
You are the only one who saw through my acts. I always liked that about you. No matter how well I acted you were the only one who saw that behind my smile, there were tears and dark thoughts. I am sorry that this will put you in pain too. The pain has become to great though. Goodbye.
          Dear Mathias,
I have always loved you. I fell in love with you again after we become friends. All my hatred and sorrow that I felt toward you melted away and was replaced by love. I just couldn't let you back in my life again. You hurt me. I refused to let you back in. Plus you have Lovise now. You two make a great couple. I know you well enough that I will bring you pain, probably more than you brought me, but I just can't go on anymore. This pain has grown to big. I love you more than you could ever know.
          To everyone; I love you all. I will miss you all a lot. Just remember the girl I used to be. I don't remember her so maybe you guys can. I will always be looking over you guys. Goodbye.

Sobs racked through your body. You knew how it would go. You took the notes and held them over your chest as you laid in your bed. You swallowed 17 pills and smiled. Your pain would soon be gone. You felt dizzy and your world started to become hazy. You whispered the final words you would ever say again.

"I love you Mathias."

Then it all went black.

~~~~~

Your parents, along with Mathias, found you. Mathias had come over planning to hang out. he wasn't expecting to be one of the people to find your cold lifeless body. After he read your note to him he felt like such an idiot. "It's all my fault." He said barely above a whisper. His sight was blurred by tears as he walked to the phone to inform the people that your parents wanted to know right away.

~~~~~

Mathias was dressed in a black tux as well as many others. He walked up to Arthur and said what he wanted to. "Arthur. Thank you for giving _____ hope. I was a horrible boyfriend to her. You gave her hope though. I am grateful for that. I don't even deserve to be thinking of, _____." The Dane gave a sadden smile as well did Arthur.

"She really did love you." The Brit Replied. After that it was silent. Mathias watched as his lover got buried. The coffin was being lowered into the ground and he fell down to the ground as silent sobs left his throat.

"Goodbye, my love."

Remember, remember, please remember who I used to be
Who am I, who am I, who was I supposed to be